Soubi's secret
by priestessgrrrl
Summary: Ritsuka's innocence shocked Soubi at first and it took him some time to come to terms with how different he was from Seimei.


To Soubi, it seemed like Ritsuka dove into life headfirst, without looking, heedless of everything going on around him. This was especially apparent when his Sacrifice was angry and he ran, squeezing his eyes shut, oblivious to the chaos he left in his wake, despite that fact that he normally loathed making a scene.

It wasn't only when he was infuriated, however: Ritsuka just didn't tend to notice things. Not like Soubi did, anyway. Soubi _always_ noticed, but then, Soubi had been trained to respond to even the slightest movement as a threat. There was no reason why Ritsuka needed to be hyper-aware of his surroundings in the same way that Soubi was.

Nevertheless, at first, Soubi found this behavior of Ritsuka's extremely confusing, and he wasn't sure how to proceed. Seimei had noticed _everything._ If the smallest button or a single hair was out of place, he could turn violent in an instant. Soubi would go to great lengths to make sure absolutely everything was perfect for Seimei, that he was always there at exactly the right time, that he always performed precisely as expected in battle. Inevitably he would fail, and he was always punished severely for it. This was the way of the world. Seimei's word was law. Seimei was his god.

Soubi knew Ritsuka was different from Seimei, but he wasn't sure how different, exactly. He couldn't be sure that Ritsuka's wide-eyed innocent looks weren't feigned, and that he wasn't somehow subtly trying to manipulate Soubi. After all, Seimei had ignored Soubi's desperate attempts to please him on a regular basis. Everything Soubi did, from his choice of clothing down to the way he styled his hair, he did to please Seimei, but Seimei never once uttered the tiniest word of praise. Except when he told Soubi he was beautiful, but he did so in the same offhand way that Ritsu-sensei used to say it, in a tone that indicated they were complimenting themselves on creating such a beautiful toy, rather than having anything to do with Soubi himself.

This didn't stop Soubi's endless need to please, however. Soubi had once stayed up all night painting Seimei's portrait. He had put his entire heart and soul into it, getting every detail perfect, from the cutting gleam in his eyes to the soft sweep of his dark hair. He left it sitting on the easel in full view when Seimei came to get him from school that day, and he was so proud of it that he foolishly let himself hope, for once, perhaps, a kind word… Seimei's eyes passed over it coldly. He said nothing. "Let's go." Soubi had followed, his already-frozen heart sinking ten degrees colder.

_Ritsuka was different_, he told himself, but it was hard for him to believe that Ritsuka really did know nothing. Surely he realized that Soubi had cut class three times already to be with him? Surely he'd called the university, and found out when Soubi's classes were? Seimei would have. Seimei had known everything about him, everyone he talked to, where he was at all times. Was Ritsuka really that unaware?

Eventually he had to believe that Ritsuka knew nothing about his life besides what Soubi told him, after he was continually met with Ritsuka's blank stares and angry demands to know where he'd been whenever he'd pulled all-nighters on final projects. Nevertheless, Soubi needed to find out for sure what was going on.

As a test, he decided to start doing little things for Ritsuka on the side, to see if he would notice. He left money in his pockets, under his bed, in between the pages of his books. He hid candy in his bedroom, and replaced his worn pencils with fresh new ones. Ritsuka had a little mailbox at school that was almost always empty. Soubi snuck into the mailroom and filled Ritsuka's box with comic books, movie passes, or flyers for school clubs he thought Ritsuka might enjoy. He followed Ritsuka around and randomly dropped things so that his Sacrifice would find them.

Ritsuka seemed to notice none of this: or if he did notice, he didn't make the connection between any of these things and his Fighter. Even if Soubi were right in front of him when he found 1000 yen on the ground, he would just pick it up and say, "Hang on, I wanna stop at the 7-Eleven!" and run off. Then he'd come back 10 minutes later with a bag of plastic-wrapped sugary confections and a big smile on his face, without even a second glance at Soubi.

Of course, Soubi didn't mind that his Sacrifice didn't praise him: having never received praise before, he didn't expect it. But if Ritsuka really was different from Seimei, then maybe he could let himself hope once more… No, it wasn't worth it. He was sure the other shoe was about to drop any time now, and Ritsuka would reveal who he truly was. Those huge, innocent violet eyes would narrow and become cutting and cruel, just like those eyes he'd painted on that awful day. He was positive that Ritsuka was hiding something from him. Maybe he hypnotized himself into truly believing in his own innocence? Maybe this was all a plot cooked up by Ritsu-sensei and Nagisa-sensei? There had to be something. There always was.

Soubi was sure the truth was about to be revealed one afternoon, sitting in Ritsuka's room after school. Ritsuka had been unusually quiet all day. He was currently at his desk pretending to do his homework while Soubi was stretched out on his bed. Without lifting his head from his book, Ritsuka spoke Soubi's name softly.

"…Soubi?"

"…hmmmmmm?"

"Can I… ask you something?"

"Of course."

His hands tightened into fists in his lap. Soubi was sure he was blushing to his roots.

"Am I… a different person, sometimes?"

_A different person? Here it comes…_ "What do you mean?"

"I… I mean, am I ever, you know, different? Like, different than how I am now?"

Soubi came and sat down on the floor right next to Ritsuka's chair, putting a hand on his knee, causing him to flinch slightly. Smiling, Soubi put his lips to Ritsuka's ear. "Well, you get really cute when you're angry…"

"Forget it! Forget I said anything!" He started to squirm away; Soubi grabbed his elbow and moved closer so that they were face to face.

"Ritsuka is always Ritsuka to me." Ritsuka was indeed bright red now. Soubi backed off a little to let him recover. "Why do you ask such a thing?"

Ritsuka sighed and turned away, wringing his hands. "It's just… it's… there's this stuff…"

"…hmmmmmm?"

"I thought… I never know… I mean, if the real Ritsuka… Maybe he comes out sometimes, because I mean, Mom remembers him, and I… sometimes I find things, like… At first I thought I was just forgetting, but… Like these pencils, they weren't _here_ before, and I found candies in this drawer that I know I didn't buy, and there was money in my _socks_, and…" He was clearly worried, and sounded liked he was trying very hard not to cry. His voice dropped so that it was almost inaudible. "I'm afraid I'm going crazy for real."

Soubi's frozen heart suddenly began to thaw, shooting up at least ten degrees. _I was wrong. I was wrong about everything._ "Ritsuka…" He stood and pulled his Sacrifice into his arms. Ritsuka struggled at first but then gave up and wrapped his little arms around Soubi's thin waist. Soubi got down on one knee and cupped Ritsuka's face in his hands.

"Ritsuka. You're not going crazy. I did those things. I gave you those pencils and that candy. I put that money in your socks. I thought… it would please you."

"What!?" Ritsuka pushed Soubi's hands away. "You? _Soooooubi!_ What is the _matter_ with you? Why can't you just give somebody something like a normal person! What did you have to go sneaking around for! Sheesh!"

"I'm sorry, Ritsuka. If I've displeased you, you may punish me."

Ritsuka threw up his hands. "Enough of that already! God, you're so irritating! Look, just STOP IT, okay? Stop leaving me stuff? You're going to make me crazy!"

"Whatever Ritsuka wants."

From that point on, Soubi knew that Ritsuka was not like his brother. He was not hiding anything from him, nor trying to manipulate him, nor harboring some secret other personality. Ritsuka was just… Ritsuka. Unobservant, yes, but incredibly beautiful in his innocence.

Now it was one of the things that Soubi cherished most about Ritsuka. Soubi no longer left money in his socks, but he did go to great lengths to bring a little bit of sunshine into Ritsuka's life, to make things just a little easier for him when he could. Sometimes Ritsuka noticed, and his praise was always genuine, but often he never knew, and that was okay, too. It was Soubi's secret, and unlike many of his other, more unpleasant secrets, this one he held proudly close to his heart.


End file.
